Clearing Out the Archives of My Mind

One thing I’ve had with the more constant flow of writing I’ve had is the number of pieces I’ve written which have spent years as simply an idea. I’m not necessarily the best at writing something down and acting on it, at least not as good as I wish I was. Take the piece I wrote on “On the Photos I Don’t Take”. That floated through my mind as a conversation with myself for nearly two decades, well before I took blogging seriously.

This is the case with so many of the things I’ve written as of late. There are a couple of things going on here. First, I write for me. This is a major way I’m processing thoughts these days. Maybe I didn’t know how to flesh these thoughts out into something tangible before, but it’s happening now. Secondly, I share these things here because I know there’s something relatable in a human experience. I don’t believe I’m just shouting into the void here.

A couple of months ago, when I moved this site to Ghost, I was forced to lean into longform writing and away from tweet-style short-form micro posts. That alone has pushed me away from doing really anything with social media in mind. This site only syndicates out to Mastodon and BlueSky, where I have virtually zero real-life friends. My closest friends follow me on neither. I’m basically anonymous here. I’m aware of only two or three friends, actual personal friends, who read my site even slightly regularly. Not giving in to the show that is social media has really taken the handcuffs off me in what I want to express here.

I think it was about the time I hit my 40th birthday that I basically stopped caring about what people think of me as a person. I know I’m a good spirit. I try to do the right thing by others and myself. This is to say I’m not all that worried about being viewed as weird for what I post here or even having a website like this in the first place. This site is an extension of me and what I think about. To have a place to make sense of things in real time is a blessing. It gives my mind something constructive to do. It challenges me at times in good ways. If that ends up connecting with someone, that’s beautiful.

I want this site to continue being an honest recollection of my personal human experience. Part of that is exploring those old thoughts I’ve done nothing with until now. I have the words for them now and the confidence in myself to put it out there, so I might as well. I know I’m not the only one that’s held on to a thought in this way. It’s never too late to get that out. If anything, I want to continue encouraging those around me to be authentically themselves despite the expectations others may have for them. That to me is freedom.