I Brought a Kitchen Table

A long time ago, my dad signed the papers for the house I grew up in. The story my mom tells was the anxiety he felt signing away the large amount of money it takes to buy a house. Maybe this kind of anxiety runs in the genes.

I bought a kitchen table for the first time in my adult life, and shelling out $250 all at once was a bit stressful for me. Thing is, I’m fine. I just don’t always like paying for things like this. I’ll rebound in June though.

So, what took me so long? One is financial, of course. I also finally have the space for one, thanks to my apartment layout. But there’s also a history.

The dinner table wasn’t a friendly space for me when I was a kid. This is where the physiological abuse would happen. This is where he would ridicule my brother and me. He would mock the way I chewed with my mouth open, something I’ve noticed a lot of kids do. I looked forward to dinner being over.

After my folks split, my mom, brother, and I would usually retreat to the couch for dinner, where we could be in front of the tv and free from bad memories. The dinner table became only for special events like holidays. Once I moved out, I took this behavior with me everywhere I lived.

A friend of mine needed a new dinner table, bought one, and decided it was too small. I became the one of the first they thought about to offer it to at a slight discount. I want to be able to have people over, so I decided to take it. They were right, it looks good in my space.

I haven’t bought chairs yet, so I’ve put a rolling computer chair there for the time being, just to get a feel for things. I was surprised how comfortable it felt to sit at. I can certainly see good friends sitting at this table with me. I’m glad I bought it. It shows me there are at least parts of my childhood trauma I’ve worked through.

All of this is part of me claiming my space after sharing a space with my now ex who had totally different tastes than me. Not knocking hers at all, we just didn’t jive well and that’s fine. We’re both happy in our own personal spaces. Now I need to buy some chairs (gulp) and maybe some placemats to protect the wood.

I’m glad I bought the table and happy it was offered to me. Now to build some happy memories around it.