On Shared Energy

This is an active lesson I’m learning. Give people the same energy they give you.

I have friends in my life who come and go. They pop in, say hello, start a conversation that lasts no more than twenty minutes, then they disappear into the ether and show up a week or months later. There’s talk of going out to eat or some other kind of meetup that never falls through. None of it really bothers me with these folks.

Then there are the people I really do want to be around. It’s the same kind of behavior, this ebb and flow of coming and going. Because I want to be around them, I’m more direct to them about wanting to hang out. Yet, I still rarely see them. I get it, people are busy, they have lives that exist outside of me. But, it does suck that I don’t get to spend time around them the way I wish I could.

It’s exhausting constantly reaching out and receiving nothing. But, is the problem them or is it me? Maybe a little of both? But, I can only take responsibility for myself.

I think of the amount of times I waited on someone, thinking we were going out to eat and I ended up not eating at all. That’s my fault for not taking responsibility for myself to eat. While I do believe in a certain level of common courtesy to communicate, at a certain point I should probably cook for myself and if they reach out like they still want to do something after the fact, at this point we’re either just getting a drink or doing nothing at all.

Simply put, I want to spend time around people that want to spend time around me. If someone isn’t giving that effort, it’s not necessarily that they don’t want to be around, but that maybe their energy isn’t matching up with mine at the moment. I’ve written about this kind of energy before. In turn, I feel like I’m better off living in the moment I’m dealing with. I realize some of my bartering to do shit comes out of boredom. That can be a lot to deal with at times. But, I realize the potential of creative shit I could be doing with that boredom as well that wouldn’t annoy my friends. I’m dealing with some of that boredom now. I could also be cleaning my apartment, or taking a walk, or watching a movie for a change, or reading. Sometimes solitude is a bit much, but also sometimes there’s nothing I can really do about it if the stars aren’t aligning, so, I might as well do something constructive. I’m the king of putting shit off, after all.

So, yeah, I’m trying to back off a little bit. Because it’s frankly more satisfying when you know your company actually wants to be around anyway instead of feeling like you’ve guilted them into it. Now to go check some things off my task list.