On the Photos I Don't Take

In 2006, my mom, brother, and I all went down to hometown number 2 for me, Pensacola, Florida, for a week. We stayed at some cabins right off the beach at Pensacola NAS, which we had access to through the Navy. The significance of this trip was that it was the first time any of us had seen my father since we moved up to Nebraska in 1994. One of my biggest regrets was that we didn’t get a family photo together there. In fact, I didn’t take any photos of people while I was there, just of the cabin or the beach.

I have no photos of my father since the 1990s. He passed away in 2016. So, there’s a gap in photos for much of the last 25 years of his life on my end. I even lived back in Florida with him in 2008 and visited one more time after that in 2015, and not one photo of him was taken. It’s not like I didn’t have my chances. I remember what he looked like. I have pictures of him in my memory for sure. But, nothing I can hold for a quarter century of his life.

Yesterday, I took part in the Heartland Pride Parade with my work. I took just a few photos while I was out there, but for the most part, I was in the moment. There’s nothing wrong with being in the moment. But one of my friends there took some photos of a few of us and of her family and posted them on Instagram today. I thought to myself those were nice photos. It made me wonder why I didn’t gather a few of the people I like there and snap a few myself.

The list goes on. The amount of photos of Disneyland I have and only about a dozen have any of my family in them. In some ways, it’s like these trip didn’t happen, or at least didn’t happen with people. I’ve been like this forever. I’ll take pictures of buildings or landscapes, but rarely loved ones. I honestly don’t plan it this way. I know I want photos with the people in my life, but I rarely take them.

I feel like this is a habit I need to break. Part of me probably feels like I have to ask for permission, and sure sometimes I should, but not always. Sometimes the best photos are the improved ones where people aren’t posing and look their most natural. I just need to shoot, damn it. So, going forward, I’m going to make more of an effort for this, if only to have a memory I can physically hold.